One Coarse Meal
by mariobroultimate
Summary: Bowser discovers that Mario has a secret fear of pianos after a traumatizing experience he had. Taking advantage of this, Bowser hatches perhaps his most evil plan yet. (Based on the Spongebob episode of the same name, only done better) (Rated T for torture and suicide attempt)


**Okay, guys. I get that this is arguably the worst episode of the entire Spongebob series. But I made some changes to make it better.**

* * *

At Bowser's Castle, Bowser has once again successfully kidnapped Princess Peach. She was in a cage hanging from the ceiling next to Bowser's throne.

Bowser: Gwahahaha! Princess Peach is mine once again! And this time, I will not fail!

Peach: *sarcastic* Big whoop! How do you plan on failing this time?

Bowser: Don't give me your sass, Peach! I've developed a new weapon to eliminate your little plumber friends.

Speak of the devil. Mario and Luigi arrived crashing through the ceiling.

Bowser: Mario Bros! I just had that roof redone last week!

Mario: Well, you'll be re-redoing it once we're through with you! Let's a go!

Luigi: Yeah!

Bowser and the bros. fought for awhile like they usually would. When it looked like Mario and Luigi were winning, Bowser pressed a button and a huge bullet bill flew towards the heroes.

Mario: Take cover!

The two huddled for cover, but the bullet bill just fell straight to the ground.

Luigi: Oh. It didn't go off.

Mario: Ha ha! Another dud, Bowser!

Bowser just put on a smirk.

Bowser: A dud, huh?

The bullet bill transforms into a robotic arm that grabs both bros. and hangs them over a pit of lava. The two struggle to break free.

Bowser: GWHAHAHAHAHA! Any last words, Super Cocky Bros.?

Just then the three heard music coming from another room.

Mario: What's that noise?

Luigi: Hmm… sounds like a piano.

Mario: P-P-P-PIANO?!

Ludwig Von Koopa came in playing a grand piano on wheels. Mario screamed at the sight and sound of it so hard that he broke free of the claw, grabbed Luigi,, and dashed to Peach's cage where he held onto it in fear.

Peach: Woah! Mario!

Mario: Call off your koopaling and his hands slamming on those dreaded keys, Bowser! Call him off!

Ludwig: Seriously, pal? I'm just practicing for my lessons tomorrow night. What's the big deal?

Mario: Stay back, you musical demon! I've met your friend who tried to eat me in Big Boo's Haunt! I know your dirty tricks!

Mario picked the lock, took Peach out and dashed out of the castle with her in his arms.

Luigi: Mario! Wait!

Luigi ran after him and both Bowser and Ludwig were confused.

Bowser: What got him so worked up?

Ludwig: I don't know. He seemed to be scared of my piano.

Bowser: Huh… Who would've thought Mario had a phobia toward pianos?

Suddenly Bowser put on a nasty grin. He had a wonderful, awful idea.

Bowser: Ludwig, my man! You just gave me the perfect plan to get rid of Mario once and for all. Mind if I borrow that piano of yours?

Ludwig: For 9999 coins.

Bowser: WHAT?! Augh! Fine!

Bowser gave Ludwig the exact change, and he took the piano, laughing evilly with his idea in mind.

* * *

**Mario's Pad**

Mario hid under the covers of his bed whimpering. Luigi looked extremely worried about his brother, especially since he's usually the coward of the group.

Luigi: Mario, what made you so scared back there? Please tell me!

Mario: The piano, Luigi… The piano…

Luigi: What? The piano Ludwig was playing? How is that scary?

Mario: Didn't I ever tell you about the Mad Piano incident?

* * *

_Flashback_

_Mario was in Big Boo's Haunt and started by going into the leftmost door. All he could see in there was a grand piano which looks rather old and dusty._

_Mario: *smirk* Hmm… I think I have time for a little session._

_Mario sits down in front of the piano and stretches his fingers._

_Mario: Look out ghost house! Sit back, relax, and listen to the blues of-a-Mario!_

_Mario starts playing the first few notes of the overworld theme from Super Mario Bros. Everything seems fine at first, but Mario starts hearing growling for some reason. Something then kicks Mario off his seat._

_Mario: Oof! Hey! What gives?!_

_Mario's annoyed face turns into a scared __one as the piano turns around, and opens its cover to reveal a MOUTH with sharp teeth! It let out a roar and started chomping it's teeth. It sounded as if someone was slamming their hands on the keys._

_Mario: YAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!_

_Mario quickly dashed out of the room in fear of the Mad Piano eating him alive._

_End of flashback_

* * *

Mario: I never saw pianos the same way ever again after that experience.

Luigi: Mario, I get that you had a traumatizing experience, but you can't let that phobia hold on to you forever. Pianos are for making music, not for scaring people.

Mario wouldn't stop whimpering under the covers, however.

Luigi: How about you just get your mind off of it, and take out the trash?

Mario got up and sighed.

Mario: Okay. I guess you're right, bro. I'll try not to think about it.

Luigi: That's my bro!

Mario walked out to the dumpster and dumped the trash, but as he walked away, he heard strange noises coming from it.

Mario: Hmm?

Just then, a Mad Piano with sharp teeth and a long tongue burst out of the dumpster.

**Mad Piano: I'M HUNGRY!**

Mario screamed at the top of his lungs almost like a girl, and dashed back into the kitchen as the piano chased him making loud piano key noises. The poor plumber bars the door with wood, nails, and a dresser, and hides under the sink whimpering even more.

Mario: That should keep it out!

But Mario spoke too soon. The piano appears in front of him and starts breathing heavily, its prey shivering under the sink, trying not to move an inch.

**Mad Piano: I… WANT… PLUMBER MEAT!**

**Mario: MAAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAA MIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**

Mario dashes out of the room and bumps into Luigi.

Mario: IT'S HERE, LUIGI! IT'S HERE!

Luigi: What's here?!

Mario: The Mad Piano! It's come back for revenge! It's in the kitchen!

Luigi: What?! Are you out of your mind?!

Mario: See for yourself!

Luigi checked the kitchen. There was no sign of a piano in there.

Luigi: No piano in here.

Mario: I swear! A piano was just in here! It was right next to the sink! It's mouth all frothy, it's tongue preparing to dine on my flesh!

Luigi thought it was too bizarre and just wasn't having it.

Luigi: Oh, that's enough, Mario! No piano is going to eat you! Now, do yourself a favor and take a nap! You need some rest to get those hallucinations off your head!

Luigi walked away.

Mario: Luigi! Wait!

Luigi: I'm not listening!

* * *

**16 paranoia filled days later…**

Luigi (off-screen): Mario, your dinner's ready! Mario? Mario?

Luigi walked into the room.

Luigi: Mario, can you hear-?

Luigi gasped mid-sentence to see Mario sitting in the dark with long gray messy hair, reddened eyes, a gray beard, very long untrimmed fingernails, and his feet were sitting in a pair of tissue boxes. He spoke in a weak voice.

Mario: Yes… I can hear you… Can you bring it up? I can't risk stepping into the light… the piano might see me…

Mario breaks down into tears. Luigi ran out of the room screaming and quickly dialed a number on the phone.

Peach: Hello?

Luigi: Peach, this is very dire! It's Mario! I need you to bring all of our friends and family here NOW!

Meanwhile… the piano was watching from the window as Mario was sobbing.

**Mad Piano: MWAHAHAHA!**

* * *

Mario then took a nap (thankfully, back to normal) and was tossing and turning in bed, grunting.

Mario: No! No! No! NO!

* * *

Mario was having a nightmare where he was running for dear life in a dark hallway away from The Mad Piano. The plumber covered his ears, not standing to hear those horrible piano banging noises as he screamed in pure fear and horror. The chase ended when Mario reached a dead end and the piano swallowed him whole.

It was dark inside. But Mario lit it up when his body glowed red. His feet were noticeably gone, and he was slightly transparent.

Mario: Am I… dead?

?: Hello, Mario!

Mario looked around for the source of the voice, and to his shock, he saw the ghost of his grandfather along with his many ancestors.

Grandpa Mario: Glad to see you could join the rest of the family.

Mario: Grandpa?!

Grandpa Mario: Yup. Our souls have been devoured by the piano, and thus cannot move on to the afterlife. We're doomed to rot in here for all eternity.

**Mario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

* * *

Mario woke up from his nightmare screaming.

Mario: I can't take it anymore! Oh, this is driving me crazy!

Mario breaks down again. Meanwhile, the piano takes off it's disguise to reveal Bowser.

Bowser: Gwahahahahahahaha!

* * *

Later, Luigi and Peach rounded up all of Mario's friends.

Luigi: There he is!

They saw Mario laying down on the ground sobbing, ready to end it all.

Mario: What's the point of going on? I'll just be tortured for the rest of my life by that damn piano! That's it. I'm done. The 4:15 bus should come along any time now to end me.

Peach gasped seeing her hero being suicidal and started to cry.

Peach: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

She ran towards her hero, tears jerking down her face like a waterfall, even messing up her makeup.

Peach: Mario, don't do this! You have so much to live for!

Mario looked up to see the beautiful princess's face. He at least had the pleasure of seeing her one last time.

Mario: Peach… you love me… right?

Peach: Yes! I do! Very much!

Mario: And you would… do anything… to make me happy… right?

Peach: Yes! What do I need to do to get the happy man I know and love back? Please! I'll do anything!

Mario: Kill me…

Peach: WHAT?! NO! I would NEVER do that! EVER! Especially not to someone like YOU!

Mario turned his head away from Peach.

Mario: I knew you wouldn't oblige. You're too sweet and kind to do such a thing. How foolish of me! Forget it! I'll just wait for the next bus.

All his friends came to Peach's side also crying.

Luigi: Bro, this is not the answer! Suicide is NEVER the answer!

Yoshi: You have a life full of adventure and many people who care about you! You can't just throw that all away!

Toad: Don't do this Mario! You're more than our hero, you're our best friend!

Toadette: You've spread so much happiness everywhere you went. If you die, all that happiness will die with you!

Wario: Pull yourself together, cuz! You're better than this! I know you are!

Waluigi: I'm all for tormenting someone, but this is just overkill!

Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong were upset and angry to see Mario like this.

Donkey Kong: (Whoever did this to him is so DEAD!)

Diddy Kong: (I agree, pal!)

Birdo: Please, Mario! Be considerate! Think about how we will feel! Think about the kingdom!

Daisy: Who's hurting you?! TELL ME SO THAT THEY CAN DIE INSTEAD OF YOU!

Peach and Daisy's younger sister, Aqua was the most upset out of all of them. This is because she knows exactly how Mario feels despite being only six years old. After witnessing the deaths of her parents at Bowser's hands two years ago, she felt depressed, afraid, and sometimes suicidal for two years. Those two long years of misery finally came to an end when she met Mario on vacation to Isle Delfino, making her the happy, sweet little girl she used to be again. She also kept FLUDD. **(Read Super Mario Sunshine: A Sprite of Light to understand these events)** So seeing the very person who got rid of her depression feel depressed himself made her flash back to those dark times. She already lost her parents. She did not want to lose Mario.

Aqua: Please, don't go Mario! WE LOVE YOU!

After saying that, she hugged Peach while bawling out the tears. FLUDD, who was on Aqua's back turned his head to Mario.

FLUDD: Please, Mario. Killing yourself will only bring you more grief and deep regret.

Bowser Jr. witnessed this from behind a Toad House. He never thought he'd think this, but he actually felt sorry for Mario. He went back to Bowser's Castle to talk to his dad about it.

* * *

**Bowser's Castle**

Bowser was laughing delightfully while taking off his piano costume. He erased a poorrly drawn Mario from a piece of paper.

Bowser: Goodbye pipsqueak!

Bowser Jr. Sorry to interrupt your gloating, dad, but I thought you should know that Mario's laying on the street attempting suicide.

Bowser: Really? He's a mess!

Bowser just laughed, not feeling any sympathy for Mario at all.

Bowser Jr.: Listen, Dad. I know you and Mario are sworn enemies and all, but putting on a disguise to frighten him? Isn't that taking it a little too far?

Bowser: Listen Junior. In life, revenge is always the answer. And in this case, it's on someone who's been a never ending nuisance to you. You should understand that when you take my place as king one day. Gwahahaha!

Junior just walked away, not wanting to hear it.

* * *

**Mushroom Kingdom**

Junior went back to the Mushroom Kingdom where he approached the still laying down Mario and his friends crowded around him.

Luigi: Go away, Bowser Jr! This is not a good time for your attacks!

Bowser Jr.: Calm down, greenie! I'm here in peace. I came because I heard about Mario's piano fears and I want to help him!

Mario: There's nothing you can do to help me Junior. Not ever since I've been tortured by that blasted piano!

Bowser Jr.: Don't worry. Everyone has a secret fear. For instance, my dad's secret fear is… *whispers into Mario's ear*

Mario is surprised with what he heard.

Mario: Really?

Bowser Jr.: Uh huh! And guess what else? That piano you've been scared of was actually my dad in disguise.

Everyone else: WHAT?!

Peach and Aqua: BOWSER?!

Daisy: WHY THAT LITTLE-!

Donkey Kong and Diddy along made loud, angry gorilla noises.

Mario: You mean this entire time it's been Bowser masquerading as a piano?! Why that conniving koop for brains!

Bowser Jr.: I'm all for the evil things my dad does most of the time, but this time he's gone too far!

Peach: I'm glad you agree with us, Junior. What your father did to Mario was just cold, heartless, and inhumane, and I am NOT gonna stand for it!

Luigi: He's gonna pay for this! BIG TIME!

Mario: You got a revenge plan, Junior?

Bowser Jr.: You bet! So, here's the plan.

They all huddled up.

* * *

**Bowser's Castle**

Bowser was still laughing in delight, getting into his piano disguise.

Bowser: This is too much fun! Mario isn't even a challenge for me anymore!

?: Oh, is that so?

Bowser saw Mario standing at the doorway, arms crossed with a serious look on his face.

Bowser: Oh Mario. Back for more, aren't cha? Okay, here it goes. *deep breath* BOO!

Mario didn't even flinch.

Mario: You don't scare me, Bowser.

Bowser: I ain't Bowser, I'm… uh… I mean… *deep voice* **I'm the Mad Piano, not Bowser.**

Mario: It's over, Bowser! I know all about your disguise, AND your secret fear!

Bowser: **Secret fear?**

He takes off his disguise and speaks in his normal voice.

Bowser: What are you talking about?

Mario puts on an evil grin.

Mario: See for yourself!

He snaps his fingers and the same claw that grabbed the bros earlier grabbed Bowser.

Bowser: Huh?!

Mario: Enjoy the show!

Bursting through the door were Mario's friends (and Bowser Jr.) dressed as mimes. Bowser's biggest fear.

Bowser: No! NO!

The mimes started dancing around Bowser.

Bowser: M-M-Make it stop! Make it stop! Please!

Mario: Doesn't feel so good on the other end of the stick, does it scaredy pants? Ha ha! I am enjoying this! One more thing, guys. Show him what happens when you mess with the Mushroom Kingdom's biggest hero!

Luigi in his mime disguise used a bat to destroy all of his belongings, from trophies to weapons to records and photos of Peach.

Bowser: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Make it stop, Mario! Make it stop!

Mario: Only if you promise to never take advantage of my fears by driving me to suicide again.

Bowser: OKAY! OKAY! YOU WIN! I'M SORRY! I PROMISE I'LL STOP SCARING YOU IF YOU JUST LET ME GO!

With that, the claw dropped Bowser and he ran out of the room screaming. Mario's friends came and embraced him in a hug.

Mario: Thanks guys! You're the best friends I could ever ask for! And you're right. Suicide is NEVER the answer! I'm gonna push through any tough times I go through from now on.

Peach: I'm glad you're back to your old self Mario. Our lives just wouldn't be the same without you. Cause you're the heart and soul that brings us all together.

Luigi looks to Bowser Jr.

Luigi: You're not planning to kidnap Peach, now. Aren't you, Junior?

Bowser Jr.: Nah. Not today. This was too much fun! I'll need a break. Plus Dad may take awhile to recover from that experience. But we'll be back to kidnap Peach some other time. So kidnap you later!

Mario: Buh-bye!

Mario and his friends took off their makeup and walked back home, now that their hero was happy again. Mario himself was relieved that he could finally sleep and live peacefully again.

* * *

**Cast**

**Bowser as Mr. Krabs**

**Mario as Plankton**

**Luigi as Karen**

**Ludwig as Pearl**

**Mad Piano as Pearl costume**

**Yoshi, Toad, Toadette, Wario, Waluigi, Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Birdo, Peach, Daisy, Aqua (OC), and FLUDD as Extra Characters (later mimes)**

**Bowser Jr. as Spongebob**


End file.
